What a Sex Surrogate Does and Why It Helps Intimacy

After appearing on British breakfast show This Morning, intimacy specialist Kaly Miller sparked renewed interest — and some controversy — around the concept of being a relationship or sex surrogate.

Miller, who has worked with hundreds of clients and described her profession as more than just physical closeness, took viewers behind the scenes of a therapeutic approach designed to help people overcome barriers to intimacy with others.

Who Is Kaly Miller and What Did She Say?

Kaly Miller, 52, is a sex surrogate — a trained professional who helps individuals build confidence and comfort with intimacy by combining therapeutic talk with hands-on experiential learning for people facing challenges with physical and emotional connection. Miller told This Morning that she got into this line of work somewhat unexpectedly and now believes it’s deeply meaningful.

Miller explained that she initially wasn’t sure about the profession, but that her first client’s story — a man in his 60s who had never experienced an intimate connection — convinced her she was meant to be in the role. The man told her he didn’t want to die without “knowing what love feels like,” a moment she described as heartbreaking and formative.

What Is a Sex Surrogate?

A relationship or sex surrogate (also called surrogate partner therapy) is a form of therapeutic support designed for people struggling with physical intimacy, dating nervousness, social anxiety, performance worry, or trauma-related barriers that traditional talk therapy alone hasn’t resolved.

In surrogate partner therapy, a client works with both a licensed therapist and a trained surrogate partner. The surrogate helps the person practice and experience emotional connection, comfort with physical touch, communication skills, and relational confidence in a structured setting.

This doesn’t just mean casual touch — it can include awareness, trust, communication, relaxation, and emotional intimacy exercises designed to help clients learn what a healthy connection feels like. If agreed upon, and only within ethical, supervised frameworks, sessions may include intimate or sensual contact, but the focus is on therapeutic learning, not gratification.

The process is typically part of a broader therapy plan, with the surrogate and talk therapist collaborating to ensure the client’s emotional well-being and goals remain central.

How It’s Different From Traditional Therapy

Unlike standard psychotherapy, where a clinician might only talk through someone’s emotional hurdles, a surrogate partner offers experiential learning — meaning the client practices relationship and intimacy skills with another person under safe, consented, and professional boundaries.

This can be especially useful when a client’s challenges are embodied — for example, anxiety around physical closeness, sexual performance fears, difficulty with touch, or deeply rooted shame or avoidance that talk therapy alone hasn’t shifted.

Importantly, surrogate partner therapy:

• Is sometimes called sex surrogate therapy or surrogate partner therapy in professional contexts.
• Involves a temporary, structured, intentional relationship with clear goals and boundaries.
• Always centers on consent and professional guidance, and is intended to enhance future connections, not replace them.

While intimate contact can occur, it isn’t the sole objective — the point is to teach skills and confidence so clients can engage in satisfying relationships of their own choosing.

Why It Raises Debate

Surrogate partner roles often spark debate because they can involve intimate or sensual contact within a therapeutic context — a stark contrast to the more distant modalities of traditional therapy. Critics sometimes misunderstand the purpose, equating the work with casual sex work rather than structured therapeutic practice.

Supporters and practitioners alike emphasise that the intent isn’t sexual gratification but healing, growth, and relational competence, usually incorporated into a broader therapy program under licensed clinical oversight.

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